How to Become Happier : Structuring Your Life Story

I am going to outline how you can create a powerful narrative to help structure your life story. By doing this you can take more control of events, gradually and purposefully shaping a life where you will be more fulfilled, happy and productive.

I will touch on goal setting here but I am more concerned with how to build on personal stories using past successes. Following this, I will explain how you can use daily interactions to reinforce a positive conception of yourself.

Is it better to have Goals or a Strong Narrative?

Sometimes, it is fine to muddle through life, to relax and to cruise, but there are certain points when you should take control. These are those episodes and scenarios where decisions have consequences, when things matter and when you will want to know deep down where you are headed.

There is a lot of material written on the psychology of goal setting and I don’t want to go into the various pros and cons here. The method for goal setting is usually fairly simple. Provided you can conjure up enough drive, and commit to working towards reasonable goals, you will most likely be able to achieve them.

However, working towards goals is just one mechanism for building future success and may only work for individuals who are naturally determined. An alternative way to make lasting and positive change in your life is to create a compelling narrative about yourself and your life history. If you have clear and defined goals already that’s fine, and if you don’t, you may benefit even more from what follows. Neither approach is necessarily better, each is advantageous in different ways.

Recognise the Support of other People

I’m a big believer in the power of people working together and I think those individuals who get ahead in life, often do so by generating the most support from their social connections. If you are an extreme introvert and want nothing to do with other people that’s ok but at some point, you will benefit from reaching out.

Basically, the method I am proposing is giving your life story originality and if possible, a hook. Over time, this will draw people to you and help them identify with any cause you have chosen to be associated with. If you have a relatable notion that others can identify and/or sympathise with, then they are more likely to invest time and energy in supporting you as a person.

A strong starting point for generating driving forces within any story is a character at odds with their environment. If you reflect on your own personal history there will be times when you haven’t fitted in with your surroundings, you may have been uncomfortable or you may have unexpectedly prospered. Clearly you should only revisit or share uncomfortable times if you have learned something valuable from them. Yet now is time for thinking about how you have got to the present and what you have to gain by moving forward.

Revisit Your Own Success Stories

Think back to growing up, more specifically, think of milestones. Your first important exam results, your first kiss that you enjoyed, your first trip away from home, your first independent drive. Think on your experiences, and then think on your achievements, especially how you were able to thrive during a challenging time when you were younger.

Now make specific connections between these accomplishments, how you achieved them, why you worked hard then and how you moved forward at that time. You have undoubtedly succeeded at certain things in the past and through reflection, you will find some crucial ingredients for creating a convincing hook. Even if you feel your only achievement in younger years was to make it to your 15th birthday that’s still one and a half decades of surviving sicknesses, staying safe in traffic and managing to deal with parents and siblings.

By scouring one’s past for the defining events that make us who we are as people, and telling these stories to new people (or even retelling old friends) it is possible to gradually construct a new narrative about yourself. What is it about you that you can embellish? What do other people find intriguing? Can you create an interesting reason for your convictions? What is the back story behind your beliefs?

Strengthen Your Narrative

Once you have established your perspective on why you are the way you are, make sure to put a positive spin on it. Keep the message of your life story meaningful and relatable to the extent that you can. Through our interactions with friends and associates, we set up a kind of social mould for ourselves. If we can ensure this mould is a desirable shape we will prosper with its support. Essentially, put out good messages consistently and they will come back to you in time.

By internalising the positive aspects of stories from your past you can strengthen your newly found perspective and empower aspects of your personality as you see fit. It is important to remember this is a gradual process. Little by little, other people will get used to the altered version of you. At the same time, you will learn to capitalise on people noticing these changes.

Tell and retell your empowering stories, to your friends, to your family, to anybody who will listen. Make it exciting and generate interest. At social events, remember to be proactive and make your voice heard. Speak positively about your endeavours, bearing in mind that slight elaborations can create sparks of conversation that will flow and this will draw yet other people in.

Consider how you Talk to Others and to Yourself

When meeting new people in daily life, remember to do two things above all others. Remember to show a keen interest in them by asking open-ended questions; and remember to present your own original story at the most appropriate opportunity. Tell it well, and other people will be sure to eagerly anticipate what is coming next. They may even want to be part of your story in the future

The other thing to consider in daily life is to monitor how you talk to yourself. Think about the positives in every situation and don’t let your internal voice criticise you or your actions. Ask yourself what went well with each social interaction and what could have gone better. Think about increasing your kindness, empathy and knowledge, and as much as possible be self-aware.

Overall, drawing on past successes is a compelling way to figure out how to take strides in the right direction and move forward in life. Creating a narrative from your own stories and gradually strengthening this through interactions with other people is a solid and stable way to establish a glowing future.