Motivation for doing the Best for Ones Children

My last post was a reflective one and I’ve been thinking about other formative experiences I have had that set me on the course leading to where I am now. On a personal level, I am also probably seeking to reassure myself that I’ll make at least  an ok parent.

The Children’s Project

I have been casting my mind back to a week-long residential trip I took in the summer of 2008 when I was a young man. It was with a volunteering group from the university and around twenty-five children from disadvantaged areas of Sheffield. The week was intense and very hard work but much fun and so refreshing.

Over the previous year, I had been on day trips with the children but I had only got to know them a little on those trips and the group dynamic really changed once we were entrusted to look after the little lives twenty-four hours a day.

Having been to Peru earlier that summer to volunteer at an orphanage, I was so grateful to finally be working with young people who could understand me. During the residential trip week we went climbing, canoeing, sailing, night walking, mug painting, and visited a theme park, coal mining museum, swimming pool and cinema.

 It took forever to get them to go to sleep each night, and we had to get up at seven each morning to make and serve breakfast so we could get on with whatever activity was happening that day. Always they were with the demanding questions, and always we had to be on hand to entertain.

Those kids…

The kids were so varied in their problems, many had really specific behavioural issues which took a few days to work out how to deal with. Social services had to be very selective about what they chose to tell us. At first, a number of the youngsters had negative attitudes but as soon as they realized that they could trust the volunteers they opened up and enjoyed themselves.

The most horrendous thing was one of the children who we gathered suffered from domestic abuse. His behaviour deteriorated as the trip went on and he had a major tantrum on the last night. He pretty much went manic, lashing out, screaming obscenities and threats, basically because he didn’t want to go back to his home life.

That particular episode was dark, but generally, the kids were just kids despite their disadvantaged backgrounds and they just wanted to have a good time.

The Unintentional Effects of Parenting

At a recent NCT (parenting) class, we had to go round the group and state what we were most looking forward to. Well, I said that I was most looking forward to sending my offspring out into the world, and them dealing with the world themselves and coming back to me and telling me how they had done it.

I wasn’t thinking when they leave home, that’s quite a wait! But perhaps an extended school outing or something. Basically, I am looking forward to the pride of knowing I have equipped my child with everything he needs to deal with what life has in store and learn his own lessons.

The nature of the Children’s Project trip (i.e. the constant need to get work done and deal with children responsibly) meant that all the volunteers bonded rapidly and I found operating within a group on such a novel task to be quite the life-affirming experience. Now things are slightly different with starting my own family.

Final Thoughts

However, I am drawing on the positives that I have worked with young people in the past to project a happy and successful parental image of myself into the future. I also imagine that the increased shared responsibility will increase my other familial bonds.

Furthermore, having spent time around young people from materially deprived areas of the city, I am acutely aware of the need to get parenting right. This is motivation for doing the best for my young family – I’ve witnessed the unintentional effects that a lack of parenting can inflict on children, and it simply is not fair.