Why is parenting hard? What new parents need to know

What makes parenting so hard?

From a parent in the thick of it (two under five) to any expecting or new parents.

The below list is an exploration of ten of the big changes involved. Together they make parenting the challenge that it is. Written to explain what new parents need to know.

1. Responsibility
2. Constant attention
3. Lack of sleep
4. Balancing work and family
5. Financial strain
6. Emotional toll
7. Discipline
8. Constant change
9. Need for patience
10. Sacrifice

1. Responsibility

Bringing a human life into the world is wonderful. Really, it is. All children are a blessing. But then raising up a person is a journey. One hell of a journey. Becoming a parent means gaining a life-long responsibility to care for, nurture, and provide for another human being. Parenting is hard as it is not limited to physical needs like food, clothing and a home. It also includes emotional, social and intellectual needs.

Once you are a parent you will find many new situations which make you worry about your little loved one’s health, well-being and sometimes even safety. There are just so many potential factors that can create risk. From birth it’s like the world is trying to test baby’s resilience. And parenthood doesn’t stop at the present. Usually, you also want to provide your children with the best opportunities for success in life. This creates pressure to make the right decisions about education, activities, and potential future from an early age. The right clothes, toys, food etc.

Parenting also means taking responsibility for dealing with a range of behaviours and emotions from when your offspring is a newborn through when they are a child. These can range from tantrums and misbehavior to feelings of sadness and anger. A Zen approach to parenting emphasizes the importance of mindfulness and compassion in managing these responsibilities and challenges. You may find it helpful to see your new role as an opportunity for personal growth and development, rather than a burden. Within the first year, however hard you try, at some point it’s just going to feel like a burden. This is because parenting is constant.

2. Constant attention

Parenting is hard, as children, especially babies and toddlers, need continuous attention and care. This is tiring and demanding. Sure, they need help with the expected. The basics like eating, washing, and sleeping. Yet they also need emotional support, guidance, and playtime. Lots of playtime! This constant need for attention and care can be too much, especially for those who also have other responsibilities like work or other caring responsibilities.

For example, any new parent who has just brought a newborn home may struggle to keep up with the constant feedings, changings, and fussiness of the baby. The lack of sleep, combined with the physical demands of caring, can lead to feelings of exhaustion and burnout. Similarly, a parent of a young child who is going through the terrible twos may feel overwhelmed by the child’s constant need for attention. The transition from not having this demand on your life to having it needs to be lived through to be understood.

The advice here is to recognize the challenges of constant care and seek support when needed. This can include taking breaks, seeking help from family or friends, or seeking professional support from a counselor or therapist. There’s lots of support out there. By taking care of yourself, you will better manage the demands of parenting and create a more fulfilling and enjoyable experience for both yourself and your child. Good self-care includes a healthy diet, regular exercise and as much sleep as possible.

3. Lack of sleep for parents

This is probably the most expected for newborns but its a big one. Parenting is hard enough at any time, but doing it while sleep deprived adds to the challenge. Sleep is essential for good health, both physically and mentally. When your little one wakes in the night, you will or your partner will have to get up. Broken sleep patterns can have a negative impact on overall health and well-being.

Lack of sleep can lead to fatigue, irritability, decreased focus, and difficulty making decisions. It can also affect your mood, creating stress and anxiety. In the long term, chronic sleep deprivation can increase the risk of developing health problems, such as obesity, diabetes, and heart disease. Additionally, lack of sleep can also affect your ability to effectively care for your child. Parents who are tired are more likely to be irritable and less patient, which can impact relationships.

It’s important to prioritize your sleep and make changes to your routine to ensure you get enough rest. This may include going to bed earlier, taking naps, or seeking help from your partner or family member with nighttime responsibilities. By making sleep a priority, you will better manage the demands of parenting which will help you keep balance among areas of your life.

4. Balancing work and family

Balancing the demands of work and family is significant in making parenting hard. Finding enough time for both can be difficult. Parents are often torn between the need to provide for their family financially and the desire to be present and involved in their children’s lives.

As a new parent, if you’re the one going back to work first, you may feel like your not contributing enough. On the other hand, if you’re the one staying home there is a different struggle. The need to balance the demands of household chores, the child’s needs, and your own personal interests is all to real. The difficulty in balancing work and family can lead to feelings of stress and guilt. Worst case scenario is a lack of fulfillment in both the personal and professional areas. This can also have a negative impact on your little one, who as they grow, may feel that they are competing for your time and attention.

Prioritize time with family but set clear boundaries and manage expectations with work stakeholders. This may involve making changes to your work schedule, seeking flexible work arrangements, or finding ways to delegate household tasks. By finding a balance that works, you can reduce stress and improve relationships. Parenting is hard as you’ll be under pressure as a family to spend time with each other but probably also to develop and increase income streams.

5. Financial strain

Raising children is an expensive undertaking. Preparing for a newborn is exciting but getting hold of a buggy, a cot, a car seat and all the other bits and pieces really takes it out of your wallet. The costs carry on well after birth, including necessities like food, clothing and housing, as well as eventually education and extracurricular activities. Childcare is a massive cost if you don’t have a support network of friends/family in your local area. Trust me on that one.

You may be able to develop a side hustle into an income stream. However, having the time to do this post-baby is unlikely. Even if you could find the time, it may lead to stress and exhaustion, as well as a lack of quality time with your little one. Pretty much all families must budget carefully and prioritize where they are spending to ensure they are able to make ends meet. This may involve cutting back on non-essential expenses, seeking financial assistance, or finding ways to increase your income.

Using online marketplaces like Facebook Marketplace and Gumtree can help find bargains. You can also sell on the toys and clothes your baby grows out of. Keep your finances steady as otherwise you’re adding fuel to a potential emotional flare-up.

6. Emotional toll

This one is kind of to be expected. Yet no-one knows quite how they will feel at the birth of their firstborn. The actual raising of children can be an emotionally draining experience too. Many parents experience feelings of guilt, frustration, and even anger as they navigate the ups and downs of parenthood. A big reason why parenting is hard is that the whole deal of caring for another human being can be too much. Especially when you feel like you are constantly making decisions that will impact your whole family’s future.

The emotional toll of parenting can lead to feelings of burnout and a negative impact on a your overall well-being. This links back to self-care and the need to seek support from relevant charities, friends and family, or a mental health professional as needed. Many employers these days offer employee assistance lines, which are anonymous, and can be used at acute situations to relieve pressure and get advice and support.

Postnatal depression is a thing. The numbers are hidden and hard to calculate but many many women experience some sort of psychological impact. More than just baby blues. It can last months, even years. The biggest thing to remember is that whatever you are experiencing you are not alone. By seeking support, taking heed of good advice and finding healthy ways to manage your emotions, you will get through. Maintaining your own personal balance will lead you to healthy place in which to discipline your child as they grow.

7. Discipline

It’s not a big deal in the first year and a half. But as soon as your baby is a toddler, they’re going to need to understand how you approach discipline. Deciding when and how to discipline children is another big reason parenting is hard. The balance between being too lenient and too strict is so tricky. Especially as mismanaging both approaches can have negative consequences for your little one’s development.

If you are too soft as a parenting unit or as a sole parent, your son or daughter may not learn important life skills such as responsibility and self-control. On the other hand, if too strict, they may feel unsupported, unvalued, and may even develop behavioural issues. The right approach is going to depend on a variety of factors. These include your child’s age, temperament and individual needs. Look to your own values when making discipline decisions.

Again it’s about balance. By using positive reinforcement, clear communication, and clear boundaries, you can help your little one develop important life skills and maintain a strong, supportive relationship. The joy comes as they internalise lessons you teach them, as you hit the milestones in parenting. Hopefully you can enact discipline in a way that makes sense over the years as the one thing that is constant in parenting is change.

8. Constant change

Children grow and change rapidly, and keeping up with their ever-evolving needs is another factor which makes parenting hard. Naturally, as children grow their interests, needs, and abilities change, and it can be difficult for us parents to keep up. As children become older and more independent, they require different levels of support and guidance, and it can be difficult to adjust to these changes.

The rapidly evolving nature of childhood also means that you must constantly reassess your parenting strategies and be flexible. A discipline technique that worked well when your child was a toddler may no longer be effective as they grow into a young boy. To navigate the challenges of keeping up with a child’s changing needs, it’s important to stay informed about child development and keep an open mind.

Additionally, it’s best to maintain a strong, supportive relationship with your son or daughter. By staying informed and flexible, and by maintaining a robust relationship with your child, you will better understand and meet their evolving needs. One thing your going to need for sure though is patience.

9. Need for patience

As a young adult it’s normally possible to do what you want, when you want. To live a life without an enduring need to wait on others. Well, once you become a parent, you’ll learn the value of patience. Children require a huge amount of patience and understanding. It can be difficult to remain calm and patient when dealing with all the challenging behaviors.

Patience with newborns is one thing. Patience with young children is another. A child may refuse to listen or cooperate, or engage in behaviors that are disruptive. This can be very frustrating. Children often test boundaries and push buttons, and it can be hard to remain patient and keep cool in these situations. To help manage challenging behaviors, you’ll need to set clear boundaries and consequences, and to maintain a calm and patient demeanor. It’s key to understand that challenging behaviors are often a normal part of child development.

By setting clear limits with consequences and seeking out information and support, you will be able to to manage challenging behaviours. We all want to promote positive outcomes for our children. Patience is a virtue. Feels like no truer words have been spoken at this point in this author’s parenting journey. Assuming this virtue will make it easier to deal with however your child presents. This is going to make parenting better for you, and the sacrifices less onerous.

10. Sacrifice makes parenting hard

One of the biggest sacrifices you’re going to make is time. Child raising requires a significant investment of time and energy, and many parents dedicate much of their day to meeting these little people’s needs. This often means putting aside your own interests and hobbies to focus on your child.

Parenting is hard in that it can have a major impact on your own goals and aspirations. You may willingly or unwillingly put your own personal dreams and plans aside to focus on their child’s well-being, especially if your child has health complications or special needs. This can be a difficult sacrifice, but one that is made with the goal of providing the best possible life for another being. This in itself is virtuous.

Also, don’t forget that parenting is a change in your life which is not limited to your direct family. Parenting can also have a major impact on all of your interpersonal relationships. The demands of raising a child can be isolating and all-consuming, and you may sacrifice relationships with friends, partners, and extended family. This can be tough. This can be difficult. Probably the best way to combat this is by paying more attention to each of your extended family and friendly relationships.

The author’s own experience

Overall, I found the experience of the first few years to be like summiting a large hill. The type of hill where each time you think you’re getting to the top, you come over what is actually just a ridge, and the rest of the hill rises further in front of you.

There’s breastfeeding (no simple task) for mothers who choose it. Closely followed by the challenge of training your baby to sleep. Once you crest that ridge, there’s teaching your baby to eat. Soon after starting food the little one will be teething. Crest that ridge and you need to teach them to dress. On and on it goes. At some stage though, you plateau. It does get better. Things will come more naturally. You develop coping strategies. Decision making becomes easier.

My take is that new parenting is one of the most important tasks a person can be involved with in their lifetime. It is a rewarding stage of the life course but it can also be very hard. Harder than people tell you when you’re expecting or have just become a parent. There are seasons within parenthood and some of the more difficult ones can seem relentless and bleak. Yet, with enough support and good self-care, you will find you are able to navigate the challenges and realise the gifts of being a parent.