Up and at ’em
Today I woke up less then pleased. It was 5am, still dark, and the three-month old was bright and breezy. He was making his cute little utterances that are beginning to resemble vowel sounds. It wasn’t the early hour which annoyed me. It wasn’t the need to get out of bed and prepare milk. Nor was it the fact that feeds can go either way; the baby simply takes it quickly or he refuses after 80mls of a 180ml feed and it becomes a battle of wills to drain the bottle.
Nope, none of the above. It was actually the strange realisation that I had spent most of the day yesterday in a malaise, just aimlessly floating. My weekend was half done and I had wasted so much of that half. True we made a brief trip to IKEA (unreal I know) and I suppose I watched the Liverpool-Norwich match (with one eye on a roaming child). Yet in the space of the day around that my direction was null. My will was a void. It was like I was constantly waiting to be told what to do.
How to get a grip?
This morning it struck me that I need to get a grip. I need to shake the foundations of the mental palace of procrastination which has formed in my mind. Effortless Action has gone too far. It was Bruce Lee who said “If you spend too much time thinking about a thing you’ll never get it done.” Wise words.
Well, I have been a deep thinker for most of my life and still managed to initiate a wide rang of creative projects. So what could be the cause of the recent hold up? Perhaps it’s my young family to blame. Do my esoteric pursuits have to end because I now have two children? Are they to answer for my recent lack of a lust for life?
Perhaps the little ones have something to do with it. Perhaps the cumulative effect of all the night feeds and increased responsibility draws out the willpower from my waking self. Yet there are millions of people around the world who achieve great things at the same time as giving life to two or more sperate beings. I don’t think it’s that. What about my age? I’m a few years past thirty. Is that when things start to fall apart? Is the option mental deterioration from here on or start doing a daily Sudoku with religious conviction?
We are possibly at panic stations
Calm down Cam. Despite what my other half considers middle age to be we are not there yet. I have a few decades of energy left in the tank. A good number of years to achieve things which seemed impossible in the past. The future may be one of endemic crises but there’s still plenty of time for personal achievement. Maybe I can dream that my actions and the actions of my children will help solve the very dramatic issues that threaten the future of our planet.
Having ruled out factors close to home such as my family set up and biologically ageing body I must turn to something a little less obvious. Each weekend for three weeks past has been busy, full of socializing and seeing new faces, catching up with friends and family. This weekend and looking to the near future, it’s all gone a bit quiet. Therein lies the problem. Human beings are social animals and when deprived of social contact we falter. This has never been more apparent than in the problems arising from social isolation inherent in the societal lockdowns we have seen and continue to see around the world.
We Need Each Other
There is a Christian story about a man who reflects on his life and sees it as a long beach with footsteps in the sand relating to the path he took. He sees two sets of footsteps for most of the way, one set his and one set the footsteps of God. The man notices in the darkest points of his life there was only one set of footprints. He asks God, “why did you leave me at the hardest points?” to which God replies “that was when I was carrying you”.
We all need carrying at certain points in our lives. I don’t believe in an anthropomorphic God like that but I really like the story for its point. When I have been down in life my friends and my family have carried me. I wouldn’t be where I am today where it not for my good pals, my mother, father, brother and in the recent five years, my wife.
Drawing Back In The Social
There is no way we can understand the complex driving forces for all of our intentions. Yet amidst the trappings of fate and powerful deterministic forces, I believe we have a smidgen of free will. I feel we must ultimately take responsibility for our actions. This is our personal power. Our choice of words and actions matter. They matter profoundly.
Everyday passes whether we participate or not
Deng Ming-Dao
As the above quote suggests, life is going on whether or not we are wrapped up in action and driving forward our own activity. Having reflected on what recently turned me into a shadow version of myself, I would suggest that being proactive is the solution to this current problem.
Be proactively social. We need each other to be our true selves. As I prepare (four hours later) for the next baby feed due to my wife’s Sunday slumber, I’ll be planning some social trips. I might reach out to some people I haven’t heard from in a while. If any of these words have resonated with you, I suggest you do the same.
Your experience as a relatively new parent is well within the realm of what might be expected and while the unexpected is always a possibility too, (you should always expect the unexpected) it’s actually reassuring that you are struggling a bit. Being a parent is one of the most rewarding and challenging jobs on the planet, but it generally takes a while to see the full benefits of caring for children.
I raised six children to adulthood starting at age 29 and my youngest will be 33 this year. When the youngest was born, the oldest was nine. It seemed at that time that we had one child of every age in between 9 and newborn. I am fond of saying that I didn’t sleep for several years when they were so small, but you adapt and overcome because you love them and they need you.
The support of your family is a wonderful gift, and I am immensely grateful for the love and support we received when we really needed it. Finding a babysitter for six kids only happened twice in thirty years, but we managed to be social often by bringing them all with us wherever we went. It was the adventure of a lifetime, and I wouldn’t trade those days for anything.
My personal ambition and yearning to engage in creative projects, or just getting time to read a book often was interrupted or diverted by who knows what might happen plenty of times, but I got creative and got things done when they were asleep or thankfully attending school after they were old enough. You can get things done one way or another, but you are a parent 24/7 even when they are old enough to take care of themselves. It’s still an adventure now, being the loving and supportive grandparent, and the grandchildren are a lot more fun!
You are doing great and cherish these early years…before you know it they will be asking for the car keys…lol
Thanks for a thoughtful and supportive reply, it’s very much appreciated! I too seem to be finding the time for creative pursuits only when the rest of my family are asleep, can’t imagine how hectic it was for you with six. Reassuring that you talk so positively about it though, cheers!